SPAM UP! SLAP DOWN!

Zoe, how can you support such requests for spam recipes... hmmm... musings.

Some adverts are a small work of genius - take the recent VW ads. Genius. ++++ Some adverts are cheap, and dare I say eye-catching. Take Cillit Bang! (Many people assumed they were spoof ads in the early days - unsurprisingly.) ++++ Some are plain cheap and functional, e.g. recent Allders liquidation sales. ++++ Some make you feel all happy to sing along - the Honda love to hate ad.

(Oh, this little rant has been sparked by em's blog which I stumbled across today...)

But of all the recent ads that has really got up my nose, is the Spam ad. I know it's tongue in cheek, but PLEASE, do we have to have people thinking it's a real food, acceptable in such situations as family meals. It's totally processed junk food and should be known as such.

However, back to the point of this site, in some ways... spam recipes. I feel dirty. I'm in a quandry, do I take it and dress it up in case one is stranded with little food remaining, and desperately trying to pin an evening on a tin of spam? Or do I treat it is it deserves... I ask you!

OK, first up, I give unto you the cheap nasty greasy *insert drum roll*

Spam fritters!

Make the batter by mixing together:

• 125g plain flour
• 1 egg
• 125ml milk / water mixture
• pinch of salt

Dip (thoroughly) your dirty slices of spam in your batter mix and drop with a look of disgust into hot oil in frying pan. Ideally you should be wincing as you hold them with fingertips at arms length. Fry for 2-3 mins each side till golden brown.

Serve with so much condiment it conceals the flavour.

Christ, what am I doing...(quick search around)... look - there's loads of foul items to be found here... they've even bothered to register SPAMBURGER... here's a preview:

Salmon, please!

Ah, the mighty salmon. Suitably high nobility for your dinner table, Zoe :)

This one's real easy. Just try not to buy farmed salmon, try to buy some really good quality salmon. Mmm...

You'll be needing:

• Aforementioned salmon steaks
• Some baby new potatoes
• Just about any vegetables you fancy - frozen peas are always handy.
• Butter, a good couple of knobs - unsalted ideally
• A shallot (or other form of onion if needs be)
• A small glass of white wine - forced from the hands of the tipsy chef!
• A tablespoon of cream
• Parsley - if you can be bothered

Get your water boiled up for those potatoes. Once the new potatoes are in and on the go (they'll take around 12 mins) make a start on that sauce, and warm those plates in a low oven.

Finely chop the shallot, and start frying it in a little butter until soft and transparent (this'll be about 2 mins). Don't forget your veg - I like to steam them over the potatoes.

At this point you'll want to get that salmon into a hot frying pan... use a good non stick one for minimum hassle... and show it the tiniest amount of olive oil. Skin side down if it's still on. You'll be turning it over after 4 minutes.

Add the wine to the onions and simmer down to half its volume. Pour in the cream and leave another minute. [You'll be turning the salmon now and cooking for 3 mins].

Start whisking the knobs of butter into that sauce making sure not to boil it up. Season with salt and pepper.

Drain those potatoes. Put out the veg. Check the salmon is cooked by peeking into the steak.

And serve with a liberal amount of sauce sprinkled with a little parsley.

Easy mid-week roast chicken

So Zoe's coming round to talk over the new project, PJ... you'll want good food, something that'll go well with your favourite White Burgundy, but can't waste time in the kitchen? Try this mid-week roast chicken, and have some good leftovers for tomorrow... oh, and there's no heavy carbs so you won't be napping afterwards!

• One chicken (take note of the weight!)
• A packet of bread sauce mix
• Some vegetables:
  Leeks
  Carrots
  Red onion
  Celery

Firstly, heat the oven to 190C.

Get that chicken in a roasting tin, remove any string, and do a quick light smear of butter and then season. Get it in the oven. You'll be cooking it for 20 mins per 450g plus 20 mins.

Based on the assumption you'll have bought a chicken around the 1.35kg mark, the chicken will take an hour and 20 mins to cook.

Chop your veg into one inch cubes - don't measure them, it's just an estimate. You programmers are too precise sometimes! :) And put them in another tin or tray. Lightly drissle with olive oil, mix around. Put to one side.

After 30 mins come back and baste the chicken. Pop the vegetables in the oven on the shelf below the chicken. (This'll only take a couple of minutes and will no doubt give you chance to think of an answer to Zoe's last question!)

After another 30 mins baste the chicken and stir round the vegetables. If the veg looked done, take them out and cover with foil... otherwise pop them back in.

20 minutes later, nip in and take the chicken out of the oven. Check the veg. Stir if necessary.

Get Zoe to gather plates, etc. Take the chicken from the pan (tipping out the juices as you go)and put on that big plate and cover with foil to keep warm.

Get Zoe to follow the bread sauce packet instructions. Meanwhile, spoon the fat from the chicken juices, and put those juices in a small pan with a splash of your wine (yes, you can spare a little). Simmer till reduced to about half, whilst you be all manly and carve the chicken.

Put a heap of vegetables on each plate with the chicken, a dollop of bread sauce, and some of those chicken juices. Shut up and eat, and await Zoe's comments of amazement!

[Feel free to bring me sandwiches to work tomorrow.]

Chick pea burgers

Zoe - you're so demanding, but here it is:

Chick pea burgers - inspired by Gillian McKeith.

Not far off falafel really, but with less oil, and a few extra vegetables for that healthy measure.
Turn the oven on to 220C. Get out your food processor!
Put in the following, and give it a good blending:

• 1 tin of chick peas
• One large / two small carrots - cut into chunks
• 2 tablespoons tahini
• 1 tablespoon sunflower seeds
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 small chopped onion or some springs onions
• Good handful of fresh corainder

I also like to add:

• 1 tsp cumin
• pinch of chili flakes
• 1 tsp ground coriander

When all is turned into a good paste, make your burger shapes - not too big so they get plenty of crisp on the outside. Drop them on your really non-stick baking tray and pop them in the oven for 25 mins.

Serve with salad of your choice, and lemon wedges.

Enjoy!

Friday night snacking

It's Friday night, you're all coming round. There's going to be drinking, and to save ourselves from slipping in to a pile of drunken idiots, we'll need the snacks...

• Hummus and pitta
• Slow roasted tomatoes (Zoe's favourite)
• Big bowl of salad
• Random fridge items

Hummus

• 1 tin of chickpeas
• A whole bulb of garlic - no you won't use it all!
• 1 lemon - juice only
• 2 tablespoons tahini
• Olive oil
• Pinch of salt
• Fresh coriander (or cilantro, if you're from the US)

I really like to slow roast a bulb of garlic - I usually do this on Thursday if I've had the oven on. (Same applies to Zoe's tomoatoes as you'll see later.) Just stick it on the shelf on a low to medium heat for 30-60 minutes. You'll know when it's done because it'll have sticky oils oozing and be a squidgy with a squeeze. The garlic is sweeter when roasted and loses that harshness.

Get out the food processer and drop in the chickpeas, tahini, lemon juice, a 2-4 cloves of garlic, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and salt. Whizz it up and see how it looks. If it's still dry, add a little more oil. (I sometimes save some chickpea liquid to moisten without it getting too oily when I've only got heavy duty extra virgin, too tasty, olive oil in!). Taste, fiddle, taste some more, and put into a bowl in the fridge to let the flavours develop.

Just before serving, sprinkle with chopped coriander, and toast the pitta bread.

Zoe's favourite tomatoes

• A heap of those tasty miniature tomatoes (Pomodorino, mini Plum, etc.)
• Olive oil
• Salt
• Pepper

Cut all the tomatoes in half, length ways. Sit them on a roasting tray, skin down. Drizzle (or ideally spray) with a little olive oil, season and leave in oven at 150C for about 1-1.5 hours. (A good time to roast your garlic!)

A big bowl of salad

The secret to tasty salad is to make it fresh, not get too hung up, and add lots of things... I usually make sure I have the following in store:

• Leaves - maybe iceberg lettuce, rocket, lambs lettuce, whatever looks freshest really.
• Cucumber
• (I don't add tomatoes if i'm doing slow roast tomatoes)
• Grated carrot

Then I add toppings or side dishes for that mix and match opportunity:

• Tuna, finely chopped red onion and sunflower seeds
• Chicken, spring onion and croutons
• Feta, chopped red onion and black olives
• ...or simply whatever is to hand in the fridge

Just stick a good bottle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar on the table.

Random fridge items

If you're calling in to the shops, any of these are always handy and no hassle:

• Olives
• Parmesan
• Anchovies
• Smoked trout (get some mild horseradish)
• Cheese, cheese, cheese (a mixed selection of hard, soft, and blue)
• Cheese biscuits (scottish oat cakes, charcoal, water biscuits)
• Tasty bread
• Slices of ham
• Chutneys and pickles (pickled onions, beetroot, green tomato chutney, etc)
• Grapes
• Pistachio nuts

Minter - I think it's your turn... get the oven on. I'll bring the DVDs!

The time-quality balance

Well, the way I see it is that there are some things that I have to do.

I have to sleep. I have to work. I have to travel to work. I have to eat.

So sleeping takes 6-8 hours a night.
Work takes up between 40 and 55 hours a week.
Travel to work and back, around 15 hours a week.
Eating and cooking - well that just depends.
Computer time at home... too much!

My theory is this, prioritise the quality of those basic necessities that take up so much time and life just feels better. I have invested in the best bed I can, the most comfortable computer chair available to me, those essential items of interest and entertainment in my bag for the commute, and the most enjoyable and satisfying job I can find. All in all, things are just fine.

But the most varied, and one which perhaps takes up too much of my time, has to be cooking and eating! You have to do it, it affects our daily state, physically and mentally, and it has to be done.

It's a hobby, it's beyond necessity - it's a daily pleasure... and it makes me popular with my friends. So... PJ, KP, Minter and Zoe... this is for you! May your roasts be tender, your cakes always rise, and your stomachs bulge!

With love,

Jane